I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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