I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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