You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
