I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize