I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize