I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
