Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
