i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
