..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
