Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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