someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
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