Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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