heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
