Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
