I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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