I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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