the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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