just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
