A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
