are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
