I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
