Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
