It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
