I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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