Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
