I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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