how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
