He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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