You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
