Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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