So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
