just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
