She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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