porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
