Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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