The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
