Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
