im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
