Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sobbing to NWA
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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