Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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