i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
