Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
