I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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