The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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