We won't sleep together?
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
