i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
