I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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