Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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