Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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