look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
