i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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