My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
