So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize