I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
