I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
