i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
