Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
