i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
