Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The uberlube is also flammable
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
