If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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