She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
