Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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