she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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