help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
This house was built for laser tag.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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