96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
