I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
