we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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