dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
