sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
