I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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