I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
