I just made out with a guy for $7.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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