In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
zippers are such a cool invention
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
