omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
