I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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