Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize